Compound's most comical moments

[jb2334]

We used to get bored in confinement, so we would tape a cigarette to the floor in the middle of the wing, and watch the fishing lines come flying out, write down their cell numbers, and go collect...

One night, we had a trainee working with us and we did this...we sent him to go get the fishing lines, and for the next 20 minutes, he ran back and forth trying to catch the lines while they were out. That was funny as it was, but we lost it when he ran after one, caught it, and then slipped with the line in his hand, running full speed...So he goes sliding across the floor, fishing line in hand...meanwhile, the owner of the fishing line in the cell had it tied around his hand...so when the trainee went sliding, it jerked the inmate too, and he slammed his face into the door...

[cwiz]

hhaahahahahahahaha that was good

[jb2334]

That reminded me of another one...trainee working in the visiting park was doing strip searches...The Sergeant working in the V.P. gives him a quick overview of how to do the search...jokingly, the sergeant tells the trainee that he has to lift the inmates' sack for him. Being a comical moment, I'm sure ya'll can finish the story when the first inmate came in to be searched...

[patman]

Audio Fence checks , Really , Yes now go get started , OK Sir , louder son , yell into the fence!!!!. I cant hear you. . good job. ;D.

[theysayimbossy]

Not hysterical but funny.... one day one of the Sgts called the control room and asked them to page a couple inmates...the relief officer who was fairly new didn't catch on and this was the result on th p.a.

i/m Hollinme, Terra...Hollinme and i/m Bath, Ineda...Bath report to the Capt's office immediately

[jb2334]

I'll never forget the night this dimwit of a Sgt. we had closed the vehicle gate on a brand new, $100,000 ambulance, messing up the ambulance, and destroying the gate...

[patman]

Good morning-------Colonel , Captain, why is all that noise coming from that wing what wing Sir . Never mind Captain, let me show you how I get confinement quiet when I walk the wings. ( shut up in here, do you know who I am!!!!! ) yea my Bi##ch, boy, , Captain did you hear that , hear what Sir ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D.

[bigjitt]

I was working at this Institution on midnights. I was assigned to the Center Gate when I heard a fire alarm going off in J-dorm (which are always false alarms) ,which is right next to the Gate. The 2 officers assigned in there didn't have any common sense, so the next thing I see are about 20 inmates caring either their mattress' or lockers exiting one side of the dormitory. Internal security went running across the Yard trying to get the inmates back in the dorm. In the process of all this our Capt. (who is very security minded) comes through the Gate and asks me what's going on and I told him that they just released the inmates because they heard the fire alarm going off, and he said, "I'm fixing to go fire me two motherf*****s tonight!" That just had me rolling!!!

[iocmoney]

Officer at Center Gate was strip searching an i/m after the normal routine the male officer said to the male inmate, looks good now get dressed. I liked to have fell out of my chair. the look on his face when he realized what he had said was pricelesssssss.

[jb2334]

I usually say "Get dressed before I get jealous" or "Finally! Somebody smaller!" Its worth it to see the look on an inmate or another officer's face...

[patman44]

Polo shirt inside out , whole shift, ;D ;D ;D

[Desperado]

There are so many...one would have to be when an i/m was fixing to be cuffed up for something while in the middle of the compound and decided he didn't want to go to jail. He took off running and the c/o called for internal. The i/m snatched up a small tree limb and started swinging it like it was a shank anytime someone got near him...and people jumped back (first round of laughing) as it progressed and he had made a couple of laps around the captains office, he grabbed a bottle of water that a c/o had set on the bench when they joined the chase and drank the water as the officer who had put it there watched while out of breath. Boy was he pissed. It went round and round...the i/m was really quick...until there he tried to make one small pivot to avoid another rush and he missed a step, stumbled and was instantly hit with a wave of brown. Laughed my *ss off as they toted him to jail in a 4-point carry.

[state357]

;DI was workin in a CM Unit and we had to set an example of
what happens when you don't get a proper haircut. We pulled
one out of his cell (at random) and put him in the chair. We then
pulled out our barber, for the night and turned him loose, on the
unsuspectin inmate. After a few strokes of the clippers, the
inmate began to fight and scream, all the inmates in the quad
were laughin at him. The barber was a blind inmate.

[WifeBeater]

At Lowell we had an officer who was going to drive chase behind the ambulance to follow the inmate to the hospital to have her baby. EMS and Fire Rescue were both on the compound. When the fire truck left the officer did too. He followed the fire truck as chase all the way into Ocala.

[johnnylaw]

i forgot all about that............lol
i remember standing out there wondering where the f#$k he was going.....lol